Gordon Manche is an Asshole
- Daniel Xuereb
- Apr 17
- 5 min read
This article was originally published as a video clip on Lovin Malta, which you can see here. I am publishing it here in full for posterity.
I had two aims when I made the now infamous asshole joke: to support Matt Bonnano and experiment with my craft. Let me make something clear; I do not know what is funny. Only God knows that - comedians only have suspicions, guesses, and intimations. We must experiment to discover what is funny.
The clip you saw on social media was the first time I made that joke. In fact, I only uploaded it online because I had no intention of telling it again, as I considered it ‘poor sport’ to keep beating that proverbial donkey - ironically, Mr Manche has now ensured that it will live on in our court records in perpetuity. I think the first part of the joke, where I say that we should listen to Mr. Manche’s opinion on anal sex as he is ‘Malta’s biggest asshole’, was pretty funny. However, the rest of the joke was… mediocre at best, perhaps even unnecessarily deprecative to the Christian religion in general. I stand by it but I would change some things if (let’s be honest, when) I tell it again.
To be clear, my ire is reserved for Mr. Manche and his sect, not for the Christian religion in general. I am a syncretist, combining the teachings of various religions, including Christianity. I find great meaning and beauty in the Christian stories and make use of them often. In fact, I seem to remember that Jesus did not use the arm of the state to do his bidding; it was the false prophets and corrupt preachers that used the state to crucify Christ. So in honour of the Christian tradition I must begin with a confession: I share Mr Manche’s concern with hate speech laws. I am also very concerned that Fr. David Muscat was found guilty of hate speech for his ‘gayyagni’ comment, and that Matthew Grech is being taken to court for speaking about his experience with gay conversion therapy - I disagree with both of them vehemently, but I do not believe that we have a right to stop them from sharing their views.
I also believe I’m one of Mr Manche's few critics that have actually listened to his sermons. To give the devil his due, he’s a good speaker, captivating in his own way, and very cunning in his choice of words. He says things like, “The people that say they were born this way weren’t born this way - were you born a liar? Or a thief?”, and even “These people that go to Pride March are buying themselves a one-way ticket to hell!” (both quotes were taken from the ‘anal sex’ sermon my joke was based on). What is he really saying here? Current hate speech laws likely prevent him from saying what he really thinks, so he suggests, he beats around the bush, he insinuates, like the snake in the garden. In turn, we can read between the lines and guess what he means, but we too cannot state it plainly as we do not know his true thoughts. For all his flaws, at least Fr. David Muscat speaks his mind - he may be an asshole too, but at least he’s an asshole with some balls.
In contrast, Mr Manche is an asshole without any metaphorical balls. He thinks he can freely express his mind in public, but he immediately runs crying to the principal when we criticize him for it. That is NOT how the public conversation should work. Sadly God has not deemed fit to enlighten Mr Manche with this knowledge, so I must do God’s work and educate him myself pro bono.
I had my issues with Mr. Manche’s views at the time of the ‘asshole’ joke but I thought he was probably a nice person deep down. Aren’t we all wrong about something? Thankfully he wasted no time in proving me wrong with his words and actions, and I have no intention to hide behind ‘mere jokes’. I am reminded of when Oscar Wilde said, “On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind. It becomes a pleasure.”
Gordon Manche is an asshole. He’s an asshole for his views, he’s an asshole for his preachings, and he’s an asshole for reporting me to the police because I called him a bad word. I’ll say it one more time for good measure. Asshole. I do not hate Mr Manche, and I would treat him with civility if I was in conversation with him, but do not try and tell me what I can and cannot say.
Threats have no place in our society (I do not consider Matt Bonnano’s Facebook comment a legitimate threat unless he has access to military-grade aircraft). I would also encourage people to sort out their disagreements through civil conversations, devoid of insults and foul language… but what if someone does something worthy of insult? My comedian friends seem to agree; they’ve even organised shows in the past for the sole purpose of insulting me for an evening - hopefully, I do not play the role of Judas and report them to the police.
On that note, I would like to commend the police for doing their jobs; although not acting in my favour, the police were polite and respectful throughout this process (I also agree that the law as written did not give them much choice). I would also like to commend the government for moving to protect artists so quickly. However, I believe it does not go far enough in protecting our freedom of speech en masse. Why is it illegal to insult someone in the first place? Moreover, I trust no one to legislate on what is insulting, offensive, or hateful. Today the powers that be are on our side, but what happens when our enemies hold the keys to the kingdom and use those same laws against us?
All good-faith disagreements are founded on the Socratic principle that “the only thing I know is that I know nothing”. I have no idea whether I’m on the right side of history in my disagreement with Mr Manche. The courts might find me guilty tomorrow, or worse, the fabric of reality is woven in such a way that Manche’s God will judge me to burn forever for my words and actions. If this is so, then so be it.
If we are ever to discover such truth, though, no view should be privileged above anyone else’s in the eyes of the law. Not mine, Not his. Not yours. We must be free to argue the truth as we see fit, no matter who is insulted or offended by it. In other words, you can say asshole things, but I can call you an asshole for saying those things.
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